Big Leaguer

Chains & Dress Shirt = Success
One of my biggest regrets is that I didn't play baseball growing up, because I would have been pro. There is little to no doubt about it. I retired before I really gave myself a chance. I was like five when I put down the glove. Left the Phillies organization in a lurch, I am sure of it. The T-ball league probably took several years to recover as well. I could have been special...  really special. I have every quality you need to be a good ball player, but mostly I look good in a ball cap.

Anyway, I have been making up for the loss of time. In order to quickly ascend to where I could have been I joined a reputable slow pitch softball team. You have to start somewhere... Part of restarting my career was playing the part. You see, I also got a lot of gold chains to play ball. Ordered them off Amazon. I am sure when you watched a MLB game you also couldn't help but notice that some big time big leaguers have necklaces. I took note of that and I particularly liked the gold chains the true ballers would wear. This was a novel idea for me. In other sports I played you couldn't wear jewelry. And people think baseball is boring; baseball is pretty neat!

Despite popular belief, that I was under as well, gold chains actually do not improve player performance. At least they haven't helped me. If anything I think about them more than I do the game I am playing in. The fans though... the fans love it. So do my teammates. Its a rallying cry for us! It unifies our team. Who doesn't love watching a full grown adult playing slow pitch softball in Anywhere, USA with gaudy gold chains around his neck? Tell me who!? Everyone loves that ishhhhhh.

I have to admit something though. Part of me likes wearing the chains. I find myself keeping them on for a couple days after the game. I don't mind the hint of gold shining through or popping out of my shirt. People notice and always comment. I wear a chain cause it shows people something about me. The chains aren't an accessory, its a defining characteristic of who I am. People think they got me figured out when I got my chains on.... they haven't got a clue. Say what you want, like, "Huh, I didn't think you were a gold chain kind of a guy," or, "Is that a baby angel?". All of that is just noise and I can't hear it over my gold chains screaming, "BALLER".

I'll be a Big Leaguer someday. Don't you think otherwise. I already look the part.


He won $10K for this torture. This is honestly so awful.

Gordon Pt. II

Jazz nation, you are weeping right now that Gordon Hayward has left for the Celtics. I am not going to offer consoling words, just reality. Before I do, at least read this, Gordon's words. Secondly, I think even Gordon would concede that the announcement wasn't handled in the way he wanted. He planned a careful and respectful announcement, but it was thwarted. At least he didn't get on national television and burn Utah. He was very gracious in his post. Move on. Finally, realize the facts about playing for the Jazz and being a fan of sports.

Hayward leaving wasn't a slight against the Jazz fans. In his own words it came down to his relationship with Coach Brad Stevens and the chances for winning a championship. Booing a player for leaving in the fashion that Hayward left is childish. Utah is a very unique place and a franchise that players have a hard time dealing with. Salt Lake offers a lot, but also comes up short in many respects. Aside from just the city, the franchise has yet to win a championship. You may shake your head and say, "Who cares?", but there is something to a tradition of winning... no, a culture of winning championships. Celts have won before and know how to do it again. There is the expectation that it can be a reality. That's powerful.

Look at the current landscape of the NBA. The west is in an unparalleled arms race to combat the Warriors. The east is weak. Wether you like it or not Gordon's move to the Celts is smart. The best players in free agency have head west, while he is going east, thus increasing his chances of going to the finals. Why go through a gauntlet of hell when you just have to beat the Cavs to make it to the finals? Making the finals > not making the finals. You can never win a championship if you don't get to the finals. Thats bullet proof logic.

Burn and boo, great way to attract other free agent players. It's business, nothing personal.


Just a few prime examples of how awesome our current president is... warning, explicit language.